As many of you already know, I've taken some steps to improve my life.
Don't get me wrong, I lead a good life and I know it. What I've got going on just needs a minor adjustment.
So, here's what happened.
I hurt my back.
It doesn't seem like an immobilizing injury would be the catalyst for a complete life change, but it was. I hurt myself months ago. Molly started to get heavy over the summer and I found myself shlepping her around and tossing her on my hip willy-nilly. Also, my pre-pregnancy loosy-goosy tendons tightened up. Without the constant body-killing exercise to hold everything in place, my spine loosened into a twisted hour-long game of Jenga and then froze in place. Ouch!
I decided to go to the gym to get some relief and see if some core work would help alleviate the excruciating pain in my lower back. It kinda worked. Now ALL my muscles hurt but strangely, I feel better. I'm telling you, endorphins for a fitness enthusiast are better than crack.
With my new 'high' I felt like taking on the World; and the World I did take.
Alex and I had a previous conversation about finances in our house. I'm not going to go into details but with me out of work, we aren't bringing in the shekels we would like to to support the lifestyle to which we have grown accustomed. Without a fight, (which, you should all know, is pretty miraculous), I committed to finding a job. Other than feeling grumpy from exercise withdrawal, feeling poor is the WORST when you have too much time on your hands. These two feelings are MAJOR contributors to my misery.
More about the job:
Well, there is a governing body for all fitness professionals in Canada (Can-Fit-Pro) and I applied to work at the Mothership as an administrator for the Trainers who train the Personal Trainers and Fitness Instructors. That's really the job in a nutshell. Fingers crossed that I get the position. I'm desperate and I look forward to harassing the Human Resources Department tomorrow. "HIRE ME! HIRE ME! HIRE ME!"
I don't think that the job will make me fulfilled. I don't think that going to the gym periodically with 'fix' me and make me feel all better. I think that these two adjustments will improve my quality of life and help me to appreciate the time I can spend with Molly more and not make Motherhood a chore.
Molly is now ten and half months old. (I know. She's getting big). She and I have been stuck together like glue for almost every minute of those ten and a half months. Seriously. I haven't left her for more than two hours at a time since last December (when the cord was literally cut).
As you may have read in my previous posts, I am not of the school of judgement. I do not care to judge other Moms nor do I want to be judged for my decisions.
I have come to the point where I am so unhappy that I need to make a judgement call as to how I can make myself better. Therapy aside, I have decided to wean Molly by her first birthday. I'm not going to justify it by saying that she's ready; this decision is all about me.
The decision to get a job is all about me.
Going back to the gym is all about me.
I love Molly more than anything in the whole world (clearly, even more than my sanity); but there comes a time when Mom needs her happy back; and this time is now.
